Ok…people…now please for heavens sake do not jump into conclusions!!....I mean those conclusions that would normally rise under the given circumstances, after my last blog!!...my goodness…..so wat is this ‘his rotis and my subji’……well this is one funny conversation….i hope it takes you on a ride!!..and I warn you the below blog is true..with some additions here and there by me!!
I am currently in my semester holidays….you might have guessed it by the number of posts I am posting these days….my first day of holiday dawned……after the usual chores, at around midday I sat before the computer….nothing unusual…..the same me…jobless as always….will do blogging or orkutting…..much of the second I guess!!......so I logged into orkut to check my scraps….there were quite a lot….after replying to them…I saw ‘spammer’ online…..
Again people please do not jump into conclusions…this is a fellow orkutter in my list….my friends friend…who became my friend through orkut…….he is named ‘weirbrew spammer’….in short spammer or spammi…..he dropped a ‘hi zany’ scrap….I replied….he asked where my friends was…..and the usual conversation I was having with him…..he then scrapped
Spammi: ‘my folks aren’t home…so I gotta wash the dishes, and prepare my dinner’…..
Zany: ‘oh gud work’…
Spammi: ‘is it a gud work….I have got to make the dough in the evening and make rotis’….
Zany: ‘yeah that’s what….isnt that cool…..thank god only you are going to eat those rotis!!’….
Spammi: ’yeah zany, I make better rotis!!’….
Zany: ’yeah, you are the judge, so you will say it is good!!’….
Spammi: ‘nope my cousin tried those rotis , she said it was nice!!’
Zany: ‘yeah. You might have influenced her!!’
Spammi: ‘actually she herself is not a better cook..she was supposed to cook for me..as she had some work, I made the rotis!!’
Zany: ‘didn’t I tell you?’
Spammi: ‘as if you are helping your mom in the kitchen!!’
Zany: ‘who said I don’t….I make awesome subjis at times…it comes out amazingly well’
Spammi: ‘all the left overs will go into your subji’
Zany: ‘….I will not tell you my secret ingredient!!’
Spammi: ‘I know your secret ingredient’
Zany: ‘No, the left overs do not go into the subji! 1…and what is my secret ingredient?’
Spammi: ‘I mentioned it…leftovers!!’
Zany: ‘noo’
Spammi: ‘zany, you always deny facts, what kind of a CHARACTER you are?’
Zany: ‘I know I am one character in this world…and hey thanks I got the spelling of character right!!’
Spammi: ‘what do you always get the spelling wrong?? I will accept that you help in the kitchen, only when your mom agrees to it and gives her consent to it!!’
Zany: ‘LOL….now what proof do I have about how good were your rotis?’
Spammi: ‘what do you want them to send it through mail??’
Zany: ‘I can send the mail from my mom..you can send the rotis through snail mail!!’
Spami: ‘maybe I can scan the rotis…but you subji!!…your scanner will become oily!!’
Zany: ‘scanning subji..never!1..lolz…ok..weirdo time for me to go….I betta go…and may you have a great dinner with YOUR ROTIS’
Spammi: ‘yeah…bye zany..i will have a great dinner with my ROTIS’!!
Zany: ‘and do mail me abt the dinner!!’
Next day
I go online….spammi is online….
Zany: ‘hey’
Spammi: ‘hey’
Zany: ‘how was your dinner?’
Spammi: ‘well my aunt asked me to come over to her place!!.....so I did not make the rotis!!
Zany: ‘whew..what a nice aunt..see, she took pity on your cooking’
Spammi: ‘but this morning I made parathas..they came wonderfully well!!’
Zany: *speechless* ‘still..it is you who is judging your own cooking skills……’
And the argument starts over….and previous day history repeats again!!
Men never give up do they..well so do women!!
People…all I am trying to say is..i am one weirdo…so is this guy….and well…..maybe his rotis and my subji would make an awesome combination….or they might become a total flop..who knows….I just pity those pour souls who are going to eat spammi’s rotis…I know he is also pitying right now, as to the people who are going to eat my subji!!
Zanychild
Driving people insane as always
I have never been in love all my life….may be it will happen in the future……the future alone will answer my question as to whether love will bloom in my heart…….what ever crap…..I am not desperate to fall in love….it can all happen in its own sweet time…..then I know you are wondering why I am talking about this topic in the first place!!...well there are plenty of reasons as to the question ‘WHY??’
Many of my friends in a relationship, and many who have lost their heart to someone….but that someone doesn’t even know that this person exists….are in a mystical world always!!....they are preoccupied with their own thoughts that they do not know that others exist around them!!....at times they get really depressed to the extent that they just take the peace of mind of others as well as themselves. I really want to tell you people about some of my friends, the way they ramble their thoughts to me, when in trouble in relationships…..I just do not know still whether to laugh or cry when someone calls me and tells me…”what do I do now Vidya?..He or she is not talking to me!!”…may I warn you people, that I am the wrong person for relationship advice and stuff!!..coz, I have never been in one, and I still do not understand what is lacking in you if the other person doesn’t respond to your feelings!!.....if he or she doesn’t talk, just forget it, and proceed with your life…..nothings going to change by fretting over the ‘silent treatment’….fretting over it actually makes it worse!...if you do not fret, there is a likely chance that the person may consider responding to your feelings…..do you get what I am trying to say??....yes I know, it is always like this soo complicated!! But isn’t life complicated?
I still don’t get it how you can give your life for somebody else!!....it is your life for heavens sake…you have to live for yourself and not for others in your life!... I am not saying that you mustn’t sacrifice for that special someone in your life, but everything has its own limits and boundaries…you will have to reserve some part and space in your life exclusively for yourself….an idiotic, rather funny thought crossed my mind…..just with two genders, there is all this commotion and explosion between them from the time of Adam and eve….and battle of sexes, chauvinistic approaches, attracting the opposite sex, ego problems, attitude problems…...wonder what the world would have become if we had more than two genders!!.....lolz…... (Don’t worry people, I am in my senses…..only in my senses do I get all these weird thoughts!!)
If you are in love with someone, just come clear with your feelings to that someone…..I know it may be hard, you might have been good friends and may worry that your feelings will affect your friendship, at times that someone might stop talking to you when you express your feelings loud and clear…but the consequences of expressing the feelings is much less than the weight of bearing this unexpressed feelings in your heart…..remember its one life that you live, live it with the person you want to!!....it is of no use, if you are scared of the consequences so you keep dumb about your feelings...and in the end start your life with some other person who you barely know……result your love is buried deep under the ground, you are not honest to the person with whom you are starting your life with…and worse, that special someone might have also had feelings for you!!..
Ok…now you have come clear with your feelings, there is only two ways here….either your feelings are accepted or rejected….it is all fine and well and cool, if it is accepted….if you are rejected, nothing to worry, you may boldly go ahead start a new life, you will have the satisfaction of having tried to win the heart of the special person, but it went in vain, the burden will no longer be in your heart, except a tinge of sadness…..you will be free of the love web, there will be better fishes to fry….and all you can console yourself is that special person who rejected you doesn’t deserve your feelings, forget that person as a bad dream and start afresh in your new life….that is the secret mantra!!
Whew….I am wondering what got into me….definitely not the love bug….lolz….still I wonder why life is so much complicated?.....even if there are ways to live life simply, in the end we tend to make it complicated!!
I know my friends will laugh at me if they read this blog!!.....coz they say it is really funny and they can’t stop laughing if I become philosophical or thoughtful!!.....I know guys; I will be zany as always and unpredictable!!
Zanychild
Driving people insane as always
I hereby warn that the below article is purely not fictional and did happen very effortlessly in my life…any resemblance to any character or incidents is not purely a coincidence!!...and if the below test paper reaches any professor teaching indirect tax…..I pity your plight of reading the paper!!
So what exactly was the chaos??....it was my mock test in my CWA course……I already had omitted half the portions from being read due to the following reasons:
• my college semester just got over
• I was not in a mood to study anything hard
• I LUV the indirect tax subject…..you do not know the limits of my love to this subject…..it is so much that I never attend the classes!!
• I do not have the indirect tax material, as I have lost the due slip paper of the institute, and not in a mood to get the duplicate and get my book….and my friends say the book isn’t worth buying!!
• I did not or was not in the mood to get the suggested books from outside..
• I do not attend classes….which means I do not have running notes…and I literally begged this ashish guy in my class and got his note book completely Xeroxed!!
So I had kinda prepared half the portions for the test…the test was on ‘Central Excise Act, 1944’...and I had prepared to write the test for the satisfaction of my professor in the institute….because he is suddenly nice to me and Christina saying that we both are very regular to class and stuff, when the truth is we never properly attend classes!!.....so I took the courage to write the test…I received the test paper…..praying that I shud get what I had studied!!...that is just the first few chapters of the Act! I took the question paper….blinked twice!!.....couldn’t make head or tail of what was asked…the paper was concentrated more on the area that I had not studied!!
The following is the specimen of the test paper that I submitted!!
R.R.Academy (Unit Test Series)
ICWA – II Indirect Taxes – Excise act
1. Distinguish between self- assessment and provisional- assessment under excise act?
Ans: self assessment: it is the assessment by self of the manufacturer; he assesses the assessable value and excise duty on his goods. He is able to decide the rate of duty
Provisional assessment: it is not self assessment, it is provisionally assessed. The manufacturer cannot assess the value of the goods due to non-availability of certain documents; he is not able to assess the rate of duty. This is done periodically
(I wrote with the assumption of the meaning of self and assessment, and kinda rounded the answer with the same words in the question!!)
2. Write a note on:
a. Special audit can be ordered under section 14-A of excise act
b. Deemed manufacture
c. Taxable event in the central excise act
d. Distinction between levy and collection
Ans:
a. If an auditor finds any defect in the documents, or finds that any information relating to the product has not been disclosed, then he can order special audit to be done in the factory, the special audit is done by auditors mostly appointed by the government. (I pray that this answer should be correct, as I agree that I have not seen these words in any material, and used my own creativity to write the answer)
b. Manufacture means when by adding inputs together we get a completely new output different from the input and it is accepted as a product by customers, whereas deemed manufacture is when the manufacture of a product does not fully result in new product, but it is accepted by customers as a new product (now does that make sense!!)
c. Taxable event means the production or manufacture of excisable goods in India. When goods are manufactured in India then they are capable of being levied an excise duty (whew, I know this answer!!!...yippeeee)
d. Levy means the imposition of tax on goods, while collection is collecting the levied tax (now what is supposed to be the distinction between levy and collection I wonder??!!!)
3. State the procedure to be followed in appointing an auditor leading to the submission of audit report under section 14 A under central excise act?
Ans: (who knows???....I never touched this chapter!!)
4. Explain the provisions relating to valuation of goods to be sold through depots or godowns under excise act??
Ans: The following valuation rules are applicable:
Rule 4: The prices of excisable goods are the price of such goods subject to any adjustment at the time of removal
Rule 5: The transaction value is determined at the place of removal, if the place of delivery is different from the place of removal than the actual cost of transportation is deductable.
Rule 6: If price is not the sole consideration, then any other consideration like cash and kind is includable.
Rule 7: If the goods are removed from some other place of removal, the excise duty is calculated at the price prevailing at that place of removal.
(Instruction supposed to be known by the examiner….do not blink where depots and godowns come in this answer….they are very much connected to the above rules….It is your brilliance to include the words godowns and depots wherever appropriate!!...you cannot expect the student to write everything!!)
5. What is personal ledger account and discuss its accounting treatment?
Ans: (well…..is it about my personal account and treatment. I do not have a personal account…even if I have, it will definitely be overdrawn!!)
6. Discuss whether the following expenses form a part of assessable value under excise act and why:
a. advertisement expenses incurred by the buyer or dealer
b. depot or godown expenses
c. after sales services during warranty period
d. interest in security deposit advance
Ans:
a. It is not includable because it is not incurred by the manufacturer.
b. It is includable, because it is the place of removal, and incurred by the manufacturer
c. It is not includable, because the excise duty is already calculated at the time of sale
d. It is includable, because….. (So says my fellow classmates…..I still do not know why…I thought it was includable!!!)
With that the paper was over….I neatly folded it, wrote my name in BLOCK letters and submitted it and rushed back home!!
A note to readers: the statements mentioned in the brackets were not a part of my test paper!!...those were my random thoughts at the time of my exam!!....so people do bless me that I will do amazingly well in my main exams this December, and be more serious than this, and actually study hard to at least pass the paper…I do not know where I am still standing in this long road up my career!!
Zanychild
Driving people insane as always
I gotta blog this!!!....the most memorable incident in my life that happened recently……well that incident is an accident….I am an average bike rider I must say [chitra will probably accept after my ‘U’ turn license test ;)]…..so what happened!!..
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Read on…..
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Hmmm……I was returning from college after my exam back home…..my thoughts were wandering as to how amazing my exam was and the great lunch I had in the canteen with archana!!!..lolz…I know I think of nothing but you know…my studies and blogs and FOOD!!!!
Well I was all fine till I reached the road to my home..it was an intersection of four roads and I was going straight and this moddle aged guy came in the bike in my right to left direction..i saw him and so did he…..I thought as he had seen me he wouldn’t cross….and I don’t know wat he thought…he crossed…..I applied my full brakes..still my pep did not fully stop..when it was about to stop my front wheels hit his back wheels in the side ways…..and *thud* I fell flat on my face..okai not flat on my face coz…I was wearing the protective gear…my power helmet!!..so I can say I fell flat on my helmet……I knew I was going to fall…it was like a slow motion film….I was falling falling…but I couldn’t stop myself!!!...I fell on the right…my pep flew to the left….that guy did not fall….maybe he jerked..and he went and stopped the bike…..a crowd formed!!!....I got up…they pulled my bike up….and asked me to rest!!....one guy in the crowd shouted at the bike guy as it was his fault!!...and that bike guy got really angry…and there was this huge fight between them…the bike guy was asking me why my breaks weren’t working…they were perfectly alright!!!....I knew they were alright!!!.......and then the bike guy got soo frustrated…and he said he is going to complain to 106….and guys he did complain..and he is telling me he registered the case and gave me my bike number. And his too I guess, and told the 106 guy that he did not know whose fault it was….and they were supposed to find whose fault it was….and then he told me..why did not I stop the public from threatening him…..I was like….hello I don’t even know the people…and I told him I did not know whose fault it was….so how could I say anything???...and the crowd made me call my mom…and I created ripples of fear for my mom..who came to find me…..by the time which I had reached home!!!.......nobody from 106 came….so no one at spot..i guess the case will not be valid…lets wait and see what happens!!!
And what did I sustain from the accident….a few scratches here and there in my right leg…I did not see it bleeding when I fell…I was too busy watching the fight between the crowd and the bike guy!!!......it was far more exciting then my bleeding ;)……but victory was…that bike guy says I crashed his indicator…..cool……isn’t it…..revenge for the scratches I sustained….but the truth is I couldn’t find anything broken in his indicator……and he claims I had..and it costs him a mighty 40 rs….lolz…and he is saying I did not even claim that from you…all I wanted was justice he said….justice!!!....I wonder still whose mistake it was……then how could I give him justice for what happened???
So atlast I somehow drove my vehicle and reached home…to find it locked coz…my mom has gone in search for me…..I was way too excited with my little accident adventure….that I was calling all my super friends one after the other…only to find that they weren’t available….at last archana was available..i told her my super adventure….she was like are you alrite??....anything happened???.....lolz……others are too concerned about me than myself!!......and then came home my mom…and once again I narrated the whole incident….she then went to get the ever famous ‘tinchure’ for me to apply on the scratches…
So what have I learned from my first hand experience of an ACCIDENT:
~ wearing helmet is a must….otherwise you will fall flat in your face and break your nose or something like that!!
~ Always go in a moderated speed at crossings and intersection
~ Never try to stop falling once you fall….coz that is even more difficult than falling
~ try to be conscious, coz you will miss the popularity in the crowd forming….and their support if you have…..and their fight for justice!!
~ If you are one of the female species in the world…do not worry…it is you who will get the support even if it was your mistake ;)
~ Always be neutral on the issue….do not let the opposite party know that it was your fault or their fault
~ carry all essential documents for the vehicle or else it is in the danger of being seized…..I myself was very doubtful if I had my license…thank god no one asked me….and I had lost my RC book too….or should I say my brother lost it!!...you might not be as lucky as me!!
~ If you have sustained injury….see that the opposite party gets an equivalent damage like how I am supposed to have smashed his indicator according to him ;)
On the whole….just enjoy the experience…..coz…you may not face many accidents in your life!!!
Zanychild
Driving people insane as always!!