Pages from the Zany - F I L E S

People I encounter look at me and say….
To my parents…….such a lovely daughter.
To my brother……you are lucky to have her as your sister!!!
To my friends……a friend indeed
To my teachers…..good student isn’t she?

(Statements stated above are purely true and valid…seriously believe me people!!!!!)

Hmmm…..I wonder to how many they should have said these...

Why is it necessary to be good to people around you. I am not saying we mustn’t be good to people around us…but why deceive ourselves just to please others. I believe life should be lived fully cherishing every movement, every fight and argument one makes, every real praise one says to people around them and with full spirit of joy and cheerfulness and straightforwardness...

Why is it necessary that I will be accepted by the society I live, only if I live to its customary expectations?? Can’t I live my way of life? Can’t I follow my own crazy rules in life? Why should I always live to others expectations which envelop my original expectations from me, which I have perceived……..or would have perceived if given a chance!!!!

I am a good student…..and I hate being one! Till 10th standard….I was this girl who used to get ranks within the range of 5 – 15th …..life was great and rocking then…my parents were happy with me….as I was back then…but on reaching class 11 (miraculously and fortunately and unfortunately) I topped the class due to the increased interest in the subjects I took…..and from then on…..it was no turning back in my academic life….

Responsibilities, expectations and more expectations and workload came rushing to me….those things which I never cared about in my previous year…responsibility and me!!!......Lol……I am the laziest person on earth…and I guess the last responsible person on earth…

My parents, family, teachers, school started expecting more from me… if I fail to top anywhere…..they would be like…what happened?? Any problem??? Tell us, you didn’t top this time…..is something bothering you???? (Well what is bothering me is everyone around me!!!)

And slowly and effortlessly they changed me. They made me more focused on my studies and even made me possessive and what now mattered to me were marks, marks and more marks!!!! I even felt the first pangs of jealousy in me…..if anyone got more marks then me, I felt jealous and at the same time bad about being jealous….I couldn’t understand my behavior then. I develop instant hatred to the person (though I forget it quickly…) and feel low myself and start degrading my potentials. But I never (fortunately) express my feelings outside…so I was this nice good girl to everyone. Even though I knew I was deceiving myself portraying a false cheerful image to people around me…..

Well, I had my good times being a good student…people looked at me…and I turned suddenly from the not so popular to the somewhat popular girl…..but not that it mattered to me…I always wish to be unknown……and well my friends who used to call me to chitchat now called me to clear doubts…and some became my friends only for the very reason I study….and well life went on….

It was all well and good for two whole years…I topped the class consecutively….no one would ever dream otherwise that I will not top the boards….and really everyone was expecting my board results to be great….and the day of exams came…and I gave them pretty well….and on completion went into holiday moods.

The day of results……it came….and I stood 5th in my class…..what happened in-between…..4 of them raced me….it didn’t matter to me…I got an awesome 94%...but people around me, were shocked that I did not top the class….that made me feel bad…..and well I did not even talk to my grandpa…who called me to congratulate me for getting wonderful marks….but I was crying and whining the whole day….I was happy with my marks….but crying came natural…and I even remember my grandpa telling to his friend…who had called him happily saying his grand daughter got 90% in the boards and was celebrating it……that I was crying after getting 94%....!!!!

Well….at last I stopped crying…went to school….greeted everyone on their marks…..and even congratulated those who topped me….heartily….telling to myself…I can not top always…god gives everybody equal chances….and my chance too will come some time in future….

And thus school over…I joined college…there too I started studying…but let me tell you. I personally feel coming to coll…the amount of concentration I am giving to my academics had gone down drastically as compared to my school days……and well I have been giving my best…and class 12 board exams had brought me down to reality…that marks doesn’t matter…it is only the knowledge you gained matters….even now my school thinks…..well my school friends think I am still the topper in class no matter what marks I got in my boards…..and I have tried to change myself….no longer do I frequent the pangs of jealousy and hatred to people in me….

By the end of my college life…..my probability of becoming jealous of people should go down and reach zero…is all that I aim…and well I decided to live life completely…and it isn’t always study…it involves equal amount of fun too.....and when will you enjoy life if you don’t do it know…

All I want to say is…life is short enjoy it to fullest possible core…..with no feelings of hatred and jealousy….


Adios!!!!

Zany child as always